Mirage of Everything
*10:00 am*
‘Why do I have to? Is it really a choice?’ I said as I nervously ran a hand through my hair. ‘Decide? Can I not do it all? I want it all’ I said as I looked at myself in the mirror. My reflection looked back at me, eyes piercing in to my soul, knowing my deepest desires. The heart knows what it wants they say and they don’t lie. Just as I was about to say something again the mirror started to shake, floor ripped open and a familiar tone played. I woke up startled. It was a dream? But everything felt so real, every look, every word, even the self-doubt, struggle. I tried to compose myself a little yet my breathing was somewhat strenuous as I quickly untangled my legs from the blanket and got off the bed. I hissed as the raw skin of my feet made contact with the cold marble floor as I walked towards the mantel where my cell phone was ringing. I looked at the screen to read a name I was habitual of seeing, I picked up the phone to hear a familiar deep voice ‘Jimin’ I exclaimed. He made a ding ding sound ‘Mon Cheri’ he almost screamed followed by a joyful giggle ‘Busan sea is not going to see itself you know’ he said, his comment making me chuckle ‘dramatic much’ I rebound with a lace of sarcasm in my tone to which he shamelessly replied ‘I’m downstairs, come quick we’re going to the sea and I am not taking no for an answer’, before I could protest or even think of a reply he hung up ‘he really doesn’t wait does he’ I said to myself smiling.
*At the sea*
The blue sky line covering the beach making it feel like a view of a snow globe, seagulls flying low and all around, waves crashing into the land making the shore wet and the breeze blowing ever so softly filling the air with a scent of sea. ‘You’re fairly quiet today’ he broke the silence between us. His heavy voice was a sudden yet welcomed interruption from my thoughts. I stayed silent hoping he would say something more and kept starring at the sea. There was sound around us, not noise, the crisp of the wind and rattling of palm trees, music of nature as I would call it. Our car ride, in which he mostly talked, had lead us to the sea. I heard him stop splashing his feet in the water near the shore. I turned to look at him. He stared right back with an eyebrow raised waiting for my reply. ‘Teacher or an artist? Chef or a Dancer?’, I inquired as I turned away facing the sea once again, few seconds later I turned towards him again, my lips stretched in a grin and
with a laugh I taunted ‘come on! It isn’t that hard, maybe I’ll go for them all’. His eyes went a shade of grey that they never had been before, concern pouring from them, looking me straight in the eye he muttered a small ‘All’ tilting my head I looked at him more clearly than I had ever looked, he looked like he was thinking almost as if he was arranging his thoughts. A boy who was known to be impulsive, how could he look like he wanted to think it through? What could make the go getter and always ready for adventure Park Jimin think twice? I just to be sure of my assumption as to if he was contemplating spoke in a loud affirmative tone ‘Oh! How I wish I could, maybe one day I will’ silence ‘these endless choices, I shall have them all’ silence ‘if only I could drink it all ….’ The silence broke ‘I swallowed it up and now I am even thirstier than before, endless choices you say but all I see is a desert’ he said with a cold tone almost too opposite of his usual persona. I gave a smug smile ‘I knew you’d see it as a desert, you have always had that let’s get it mind set’ a small smile crept his face like he was expecting me to say that ‘why are you smiling like that’ I asked genuinely curious, he looked at me, the smile disappearing, his aura suddenly felt mature ‘and isn’t that how it should be’ he said loud and firm, I looked at him with intrigue ‘Some say having choice is always good but to me it is exactly the opposite’, his statement made me think, under my breath I repeated ‘opposite?’ after a good two minute pause I looked at him only to be caught by his gaze ‘Greed is a real thing Kookie’ he turned to look at the sea once again. ‘Mirage of everything’ he took a soft breathe in ‘Want to have it all? At the same time? If you ask me. It just seems like an excuse to want to chase nothing rather than try and achieve something, like a mirage of want for a soul that craves nothing’ his words caught me off guard, making me static. I let out a breath I was unaware I had kept in and asked ‘care to explain more?’, he paused for a second ‘You can do anything, if you stop trying to do everything’ he turned to look at my utterly lost face, an amused smirk making way to his lips ‘ we all come with an expiration date, experiences, humans, events, don’t waste your time thinking of all these great opportunities because they’ll die ‘ I raised an eyebrow as I genuinely inquired ‘So you want me to go get it all? Just starting now?’ he chuckled, patting my head ‘Silly! when you want everything you truly want nothing sweetheart’ I narrowed my eyes at him waiting for him to continue which he thankfully did ‘If you truly want something you go get it’ he made sense, continuing ‘if you crave it enough it rises above all, if it doesn’t it was merely a mirage of want, a void to your nothingness’ as he spoke those words the sun began to set making the whole view feel like a dream ‘look inside your soul, there is always that one goal that is much more valuable than the rest’. He placed his hand
on my eyes ‘see through your heart’ he said, I closed my eyes as if on cue and looked with the eye I never knew I owned, pure joy and happiness rushed over me, On a stage lit up with fairy light and a huge crowd applauding for me as I bowed and thanked them all for coming, it clicked than ‘performing’ I murmured, he removed his hand as I beamed my eyes open and blurted out ‘Dance’ he looked at me amused ‘I want to be a dancer’ I said at the top of my lungs with all the surety I had in me. Jimin smiled his signature eye smile my way ‘See, I knew you could find your something in the midst of everything and nothing’ patting my head once more he started walking around the shore and I tagged along like a child ‘everything else has little meaning’ he asked and I nodded ‘I don’t want to be overwhelmed’ he smiled waiting for me to continue ‘ instead of worrying about which ‘career’ to ‘pick’ I can spend time towards achieving one rather than being so concerned as to which would be the best option to take’ he nodded and gave me the firmest of nodes ‘and now my little lamb you shall be productive and not hasty’ I playfully punched him in the arm ‘I was never hasty’ to which he held his hand up like he was bestowing an honor upon me and dramatically said ‘You will now let your little mind function and do justice to yourself’ making me chuckle as we walked along the shore. After a couple of minutes I spoke up ‘I never thought you’d make me realize the worth of making a decision’ he stopped for a second making me halt in my track before continuing walking unbothered, exclaiming ‘I know right! That was interesting’ making us both erupt into laughter and me calling him a ‘Pabo’, after that we both walked back to his car and then the old familiar road to my home like always, only this time around I was not juggling options in my head and stressing out, ‘I didn’t want it all’ I repeated in my head with all the surety I held ‘I didn’t want it all.’ I said in the tiniest of voices.’ Jimin looked at me as we stopped in front of my doorstep ‘So will we have two go getters now’ he winked playfully. I just wanted that one thing. I was sure. I was ready to go for it ‘I guess you have a partner in crime now lad’. He playfully chuckled ‘pluck the figs before they rot’ he giggle spoke, patting my head and gesturing me to go inside ‘it is cold, later Kookie-shi’ prolonging the ‘shi’ as long as he could, a term we had been using for a while now as it sounded formal, endearing yet almost hilarious to us. I looked at him with the sternest look I could manage ‘Jwimin-shiiii’ I sarcastically said rolling my eyes. ‘See you later’ I waved and made my way back inside, closing the door quick and as I did I heard a gleeful ‘Later Mrs. Want it all’. I sighed in relief and under my breath corrected him ‘Get it all’ a timid smile making its way to my lips, reassuring myself that I was on a path now, not caught in the midst of routes. I was not struggling. Choice made. I was at peace.
Written by: AREEJ SOHAIL KHAN
