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How to Apologize When You Aren’t Feeling Sorry

How to Apologize When You Aren’t Feeling Sorry

There comes a point in everyone’s life when they have to apologize for something they haven’t done, or don’t regret. Before I begin how to effectively do so, I’ll first explain why it is sometimes important to say sorry when you are not feeling sorry.

Most of the time, arguing is not worth it. Apologizing ends the never-ending bickering and spares your precious time and energy for someone or something else. However, sometimes, people say sorry just to look good in someone else’s eyes. This act falls under hypocrisy. Eventually, your real motive will come out, and it will definitely worsen the situation. Therefore, apologizing when you aren’t regretful must be done only when it is for the right reasons – that is, to avoid further argument and emotional trauma on both sides.

So what is the right way to say sorry when you want to end an argument? Here are 6 ways of sincerely apologizing when you don’t feel sorry:


  1. Give a sorry card

Texting “sorry” isn’t as effective as giving a sorry card, and it would be a bonus point if the card is hand-made. The other person will quickly forgive and forget and may apologize to you too. You must remember though, that you aren’t apologizing for a return apology, but for the dispute to end. It might be hard to write down a card or spend money on someone you are angry at, but once you see the other person smile at your effort, you certainly feel good about yourself.

  1. Forgive, and never keep tally 

To end an argument, you need to first forgive the other person even when they don’t say sorry. Keeping a tally of how many times you apologized might indicate that you are the one who is stretching it. There are differences in every type of relationship, and if you can’t respect the other person’s opinion, then you might be the one unintentionally initiating the argument. The sole purpose of saying sorry when you aren’t is to move on from the fight and avoid its recurrence for the sake of your mental health. If you truly can’t help but keep tally, then you should definitely not say sorry to begin with. In such cases, it is better to be truthful. If you are bad at confrontations, consult a friend, so that you have a broader perspective, and can handle the situation better.

  1. Keep in mind that you are human

When you apologize, you sound more convincing if you keep in mind that you aren’t perfect and that you probably did say something wrong. You don’t necessarily have to regret your words; you just have to accept that you are as human as the other person, and there are some things you just don’t understand. Be the bigger person and let it go.

  1. Replace bad memories with better memories

Sometimes you get into a heated argument with someone you don’t know that well. The best way to end such an argument is to put brakes and apologize immediately before the situation escalates. Most of the time, we misunderstand one another due to a lack of background information. Turn around the topic by talking about common interests. If you don’t know what you have in common, try discovering commonalities, by spending more time with the other person. This way you will replace bad memories with better ones, and will forget the tiny disagreement that you had in no time!

  1. Don’t apologize all the time

Sure, saying sorry for the sake of a peaceful environment is a great thing to do, but sometimes, you need to speak your mind, especially when it is a matter of your right as a human being. Apologizing all the time may come across as desperate, and even if you are doing it out of sincerity, people often begin to take advantage of your kindness through emotional blackmail. Your first instinct might be to apologize but be strong enough to politely say no when you aren’t comfortable with something, especially when someone is manipulating your kind heart.

  1. Learn to apologize when you do feel sorry

You can’t reach the last step if you haven’t started with the first one. Most people have trouble with apologizing, even when they do feel sorry. A common misconception is that saying sorry is considered as a sign of cowardice; the truth is that it is a sign of strength. Putting effort in doing something you don’t like, such as apologizing, is essential for character-building since it requires fighting against your will and whim.

Having control over your actions is one of the most fulfilling achievements a person can have. Hence, if you push yourself and apologize when you don’t feel sorry, it is one hell of an accomplishment – you should definitely try it sometime!



About The Author

Areej Saqib

I am someone that cannot be crammed up into one metaphor. Writing is my therapy. I love reading books, playing basketball and watching conspiracy theories. I want to create places that become a part of people's stories as memories. That is why I chose to study architecture. I am an introvert at heart, but I can come across as an extrovert due to my excessive rambling.