We’re all lost in a sea of the same kind. We feel the same kind of empty, the same kind of alone. And yet opening up to each other seems the most foreign thing to do. For we are afraid of the monsters that we’ve all had to encounter in our past; those that started off just as normal people to be later called ‘home’ until it was that we had found warmth and comfort in them that they would turn into strangers again.
So yes, we are all afraid. We find it hard to trust anyone when it comes to talk about how much we fear the darkness of the night, or what nightmares accompany them. Most of us don’t even trust ourselves, for we fear once we start falling down this spiral; there will be no end, as there is no one there at the other side to bring us back safely. And even if there is, they will someday end up becoming a monster that resembles one from our past, and they would then roam around this world with secrets that they would never know the importance of. But are we even to blame?
We grow up in a world that depicts love in a way that it does not exist. We try to find something that might only be fictional in a world that is a little too real. Hence, we end up spending most of our lives looking for it to be everywhere but inside, and when the hole that we’ve dug within us is not closed up – for we could not find anyone with the same definition of love as ours – we end up doing the only thing that is easiest for us to do: to be harsh with ourselves over the misfortunes that have been so graciously given to us by this thing called ‘fate’. And as we realize that the thing we had been looking for all our lives might just be a hoax, the emptiness starts to set in as we fall down and realize how not all of us are meant for this strangely beautiful yet almost mythical thing named ‘love’. It is in these moments where most of our stories resemble each other’s, for in these moments they reflect us at our weakest.
But, I guess, maybe this is why it gets so hard to share why our tears come about, and why they come in amounts that are so much, for being this vulnerable is new to us. And how are we to deal with this when we haven’t really felt any of this before? So, we choose to hide it away in the deep shallows that we all call our hearts; in the hope that just like one day we will forget our own tears, the people that surround us will too. Hoping that they remember us for who we were when we’re gone, rather than everything that we weren’t. Hence, just like this, even in the moments where we connect with others – for we all feel the same way about something most of us haven’t ever really felt – we choose to stay silent, as we are afraid of what the others might do to the belongings that reside so close to our hearts.